Week 5, Day 4

The soreness in my breasts has been less noticeable in the last two days.  This morning, I felt the dread of impending miscarriage as I went to the bathroom.  No blood, but a pregnancy test yielded a lighter line than the day before.  Also, my temperature dropped today.  And something inside feels empty.  There's no pulling or tightness in my abdomen.  

I'm preparing myself for the worst.  I know it could be nothing, but in the past when I've given myself false hope, I've been devastated by the outcome...not that a third miscarriage wouldn't be devastating with all the warning in the world.  Somehow, I just imagine it would be easier to bear if I was expecting it, and it wasn't so freight-train-ish.

I keep thinking I pushed myself too hard.  This must be the reason.  I'm not resting enough.  Maybe I'm out of good eggs.  Maybe my body isn't meant to bear children.  None of it is comforting, but being logical is the only recourse I have at this point.

We shall see.  The worst part of this is that I have to see what the day to day results are.  No beta testing means no hard results.