What Would Have Been Amazing

Dear What Would Have Been Amazing,

You would have been amazing, I just know it.

You would have been smart, funny, sweet, compassionate, caring, generous-in-spirit, full-of-heart.

I have never met you, but I know you so well...like reading my own palm and seeing the future.

You would have been my daughter, my son, my best girl, by sweet boy. I would have loved you more than myself, I would have tucked you in at night and read you Dr. Seuss. I would have given you cookies before dinner.

Brown eyes, black hair, stubborn chin, button nose, lucky ears, fuzzy head. You were all these things to me. I imagined you in a swing, on a playground, eating sand, chasing birds, squishing the green grass between your toes. I would have called you over for goldfish crackers and kisses. All the names I wanted to give you, I will save for a better time. Pumpkin, scooter, cupcake, squirt, junior, sweet love.

There isn't a day I don't think of you, and wish you were here. There isn't a minute of any day I don't imagine you, wearing my smile, your daddy's laugh resonating. You are perfectly preserved inside my heart.

I believe in what could have been, as I believe in what will eventually come. And you, my sweet darling, will come again. You will be invented once more, and I will carry you inside me until you are ready to see the world. I will hold you in my arms as you scream and wail, shake your little clenched fist, and I will finally introduce myself to you.

And you will be amazing.