Testing

I am seriously grumpy. This four days late crap is getting me down, not to mention making me immobile. I can't move without pain, can't even lift a finger without discomfort because of the carpal tunnel. I can't drive because I can't reach the steering wheel any more. No kidding. Yes, my belly has grown out so much I CAN NOT REACH THE STEERING WHEEL. This is getting ridiculous.

So here I sit, stewing in my own hatred, nearly wetting my pants every twenty minutes, waiting, waiting, waiting. The cramps are few and far in between, and the Braxton Hicks are nearly indistinguishable from terrible gas, WHICH I HAVE IN SPADES. Hub used to think it was cute...he now leaves the room in a hurry.

I have watched more crappy television that should be allowable by law. If I see one more stupid cat food commercial I may do something horrible. The next person who calls me to ask "Have you had the baby?" or to say "Get your sleep now because you're never going to sleep again! HAR HAR HAR..." is going to be punched in the neck.

Also, what is up with TV!? Every show I see seems to be about pregnant women being kidnapped for their unborn child. Bones? Pregnant woman kidnapped. Law and Order? Pregnant woman kidnapped. MTV? Pregnant woman kidnapped. Animal planet? Pregnant bonobo kidnapped. The moral to this story? Don't answer Craigslist ads offering free baby crap. You will be kidnapped for your unborn child.

I am now getting texts, emails and voicemails every hour on the hour. They range from people I know well to family to people I have not seen for years. All of them leave the same pressurized message..."Is he here yet?" NO HE IS NOT HERE YET.

You will know when he is coming, though. I anticipate screaming bloody murder throughout labor, and you will most likely hear me from my hospital bed.