What's the Deal with Week 5?!

Ok, so a question to the person in charge of women's pregnancies...what is UP with the freakin' BLOAT, man?!  It's like someone pulled the rip cord on an inflatable raft!  My stomach is literally looking 5 months pregnant.  NOT CUTE when people ask how far along I am.  I am as ambiguous as possible, borderline lying.  

So I did the absolute worst thing possible.  I Googled "horrible bloating early pregnancy" on the Internet.  Seems that some women bloat, some lucky ones don't.  Apparently, I am in the former group.  FABULOUS.

But the reason I say it was the absolute worst thing to do is because Googling any phrase with the word "pregnancy" in it conjures up a ridiculous amount of web pages about "miscarriage" and "birth defects."  And being me, I read all of them in one sitting, eyes bugged out and heart beat racing.

I guess it's the 2nd absolute worst thing to do...the 1st absolute worst is to Google "older pregnancy."  That one is guaranteed to be a heart stopper...literally.