What Everything Means

I had HCG numbers at 600.  That meant I was low for my 7/8 week pregnancy, but I wasn't down and out for the count yet.  There was a possibility the week was off.

We waited for the blood tests to return the second time.  If the numbers went up drastically, or doubled, it meant the pregnancy had a good chance of being viable.  If the numbers went down, it meant I was miscarrying naturally, which was a good thing, if there is such a thing as a "good miscarriage."  That meant I wouldn't have to have a procedure to get the rest of the tissue out of my uterus.  

The worst case scenario was if the numbers went up slightly.  That most likely meant it was an ectopic pregnancy, which would involve surgery to remove it, and the danger involved in having someone cut you open to mess around with your fallopian tubes.  

So the numbers came back a second time...181.  I was strangely relieved.  I think I was already accepting the fact that the pregnancy was gone.  I had already cried over the loss.  I was moving forward before I even realized it.  

And now, we try again.