Why?

I guess there is no easy way to write another miscarriage post, but here goes nothing.  

I don't know what to think at this point.  I'm spotting bright red blood, and hoping against hope it's not a miscarriage when down deep I know it must be.  I felt it yesterday, when I doubted it was real and imagined my symptoms lessening.  

Also, the pregnancy test I took in the morning was such a light positive I could barely see it anymore.  It was like a phantom pink line, nearly invisible.

I'm taking the rest of the week off, but I'm hoping this time it won't be nearly as painful.  It's a horrible thing, the anticipation of waiting for something this morbid.  But I want to be prepared for it this time, instead of the last time, which hit me like a truck.  

So I'm waiting for the worst period ever.  Again.  I wish this wasn't happening, and I wish I was 25 years old with my whole fertile life ahead of me.  This makes life seem impossibly short, and my chances for conception nearly unattainable.