Surge

I'm surging like a mofo.  About freakin' time!  

I actually can't believe how stressed out this whole ovulation thing has made me.  For the last week, I've been anxious and nervous about it, thinking, "What if those Internet sites are right?  Anovulation!!  Maybe I'm barren!!  AHHHHHH!!"  I actually burst into tears the other day because the stupid test line was lighter than the stupid control line.  It was humiliating on so many different levels.  My husband thinks I'm a maniac.  

Damn ovulation tests.  I hate them and their stupid lines.  "Is it darker or lighter or the same?  Is that the same?  Does that look like it's similar?  No smiley face again!! What does that mean?!  AHHHHHHH!!"

The digital smiley face may be the most evil out of all of the ridiculously expensive tests I bought this month.  Everyone swears by the friggin' smiley face, saying it's so much easier to read than the lines.  However, I hate the smiley face...because when it doesn't show up, I feel like a jilted blind date.  "What did I do?  Am I not fertile enough?  WHY AM I BEING REJECTED!?"

And although I know better than to place all my self worth on the results of a pee stick, I STILL DO.  It's hard not to.  Despite everything your doctors and friends try to tell you to get you to relax, when you're a woman who has miscarried, you're hopes and fears are all dwelling on that one stupid test.  

It may seem pathetic, but when you feel like your body has failed you, you look for any little sign that you're still in good working order.  A period is good, but ovulating and dropping a new egg is even better.

So the digital smiley ovulation test finally showed its stupid grinning face today.  We've kissed and made up, and I've decided to forgive...but I'm requiring dinner and roses.  No Burger King and carnations, neither.  I'm not a cheap date...no matter what you've heard.