Abdominal Bloating

I'm bloated.  And not the kind of bloated that just looks like a little water weight.  My stomach looks like an expanded life raft.

But I am hesitant about making the pregnancy diagnosis this early on, considering I ovulated just last week.  That would be silly and not a little bit depressing if it wasn't true.  So I decided to believe it's something else until either my period arrives or passes me by.

After doing some irresponsible Googling, I noted what it could be.  Here is a comprehensive list, complete with witty repartee.

1.  Gas...possible, since I am full of it.

2.  Gastric Distention...also known as overeating.  That's a given.  And so likely it's silly to even discuss it.

3.  Gastric Dumping Syndrome...sounds scary and very, very wrong.  I refuse to believe I have this, and even if I do end up having it, I will never, ever admit it.

4.  Malabsorption...some weird medical issue that probably involves some sort of tumor or inability to go #2, which I don't have a problem with.  THANK THE BABY JESUS.

5.  Aerophagia or Air Swallowing...could be.  I do like air.

6.  Irritable Bowel Syndrome...yeeee-ah, no.

7.  Visceral Fat...yup.  Next.

8.  PMS...this is the most likely culprit, although I don't want to admit it just yet.  

9.  Alvarez' Syndrome or Hysterical or Neurotic Abdominal Bloating...this is a symptom for crazy people.  And although I am all kinds of crazy, I ain't THAT crazy.  Yet.  Check in on me in a few months.

10.  Massive Infestation with intestinal Parasites...gross.  If this is what is making my stomach bloat, (having been infested with parasites), I will gladly accept my period in its place.  Please, God, don't let it be parasites.  No whammies!  No whammies!