Raspberry!

Tiny Foot, Tiny Hand

Week 7

Heartbeat

We had our appointment first thing in the morning, and after emptying my bladder I was handed a robe and asked to wait for the doctor.  

The sonogram machine was prepped and ready to go, complete with KY on the tip of the "wand."  Suddenly, the nurse came in and STOLE OUR SONOGRAM MACHINE.  "I need this for a minute."  She said, and wheeled it out of our room.  I continued to sit bare-bottomed on the examination table, clicking my tongue and feeling like I may throw up at any given moment.  My nerves were giving me Hell, and I was getting pissed off at the nurse for prolonging my anxiety attack.

Finally, the doc came in and apologized for the wait.  She poked me with her fingers a little, and then unceremoniously inserted the KY wand.  

"Did you empty your bladder?  I see a lot of liquid here.  The shadows are making it hard to see...but there's the heartbeat!"

And there it was.  Flicker, flicker, flicker.  Plain as day.  Clear as can be.  The once-quiet husband suddenly perked up and said, "I see it!"

I looked over my spread eagle open legs and was so quiet the doctor asked if I could see everything.  I started to smile broadly, and audibly exhaled some stale air that I had been holding in my gut for weeks.

After measuring, it seemed we were off by two days.  The embryo is 6 weeks 6 days.  I tried obsessing over the days, but the doctor was strict and promptly told me to "cut it out."

Tough love doc then told us everything looked fine.  She'll see me in a few weeks.  Basically, it was the best Kaiser visit ever.  

Now we're off to Costco to buy more photo supplies.  It's the first picture we have of the blueberry and we're running out of printer ink.

Milestone #1

The first ultrasound is tomorrow morning and I'm scared witless.  So many things to think about, yet so many things I have absolutely no control over.  Being a control freak, this poses big problems for me.

We may or may not see a heartbeat.  We may or may not hear a heartbeat.  At 7 weeks, it's an unknown.  But I do know that if there is a heartbeat and if everything measures correctly, we will have a 17% chance of miscarrying again, which is better odds than I began with.  That's because I have a history of miscarriage and I'm ancient, apparently.  For young lithe fertile women, chances drop to 3%.

The embryo should measure about 8mm at 7 weeks and be about the size of a blueberry.

If everything goes as planned, we'll be taking pictures of the ultrasound screen like Japanese tourists.

If not, I probably won't be posting for a while.  My head will be buried in a hole for about a week until I recover.  

Countdown to Sonogram #1

I have been experiencing what can only be described as female "wet dreams,' without the wet or the dream.  It's happened twice so far while I was sleeping, and it's gotten me up out of bed from the sheer discomfort.  It hasn't been what I'd call enjoyable.  It's actually painful and quite gnarly.  It feels like my uterus is burning through my pelvis.  

So of course I looked up "orgasms early pregnancy" on the Internet and saw many different opinions about the dangers of your uterus contracting in the early months.  On the one side, orgasms are considered perfectly safe after implantation, and increases blood flow and endorphins, which can be good for the fetus.    

On the other side of it, a contracting uterus can trigger the lining to shed.  If your uterus continues to cramp for more than a few minutes, you may have a problem.  Fortunately for me, that's not an issue.

I'm considering the options:  Freak out like a wacko?  Or relax and take it easy until the 31st...the day of the 7 week sonogram?  

I'm leaning towards "freak out."  

Waiting to Exhale

My HcG numbers are great, apparently.  46, 270 at 6 weeks is considered on the high side of the scale, so I'm definitely sighing relief.  

In other news, I feel like I may barf at any given moment.  And it's not full blown nausea.  It's queasiness, which is like an expensive date that doesn't put out.  Tease.

It's not the most pleasant feeling on the planet, and the lump in my throat seems to move every time I move an inch.  It's unnerving, to say the least.  

So I'm investing in some ziplock baggies and I'm going to carry them around with me in case of vomit.  Seriously, I feel like it's right there, ready to say hi.

I'm also holding my breath until the 31st, when we have our first sonogram.  I think I'll completely exhale this stale, paranoid air out of my lungs when I see the fetal pole...maybe even a heartbeat.  Dare I dream?

Some News is Great News

The results are in.  At six weeks, HcG levels should measure anywhere between 1,080 to 56,500.

My HcG levels are 46,270.  

Everyone exhale.  Whoo.

No News is No News

No news from MyMedLabs.com, so I sent them a note asking when the tests were to be expected.  The problem:  My blood was drawn on the 23rd of December, right before the big holiday.  I'm sure they're not going to be in for a while.

Nothing much has changed.  The breast soreness has returned, I'm sleeping a stupid amount throughout the day, and there's that tugging in my uterus that came back.  I'm not feeling so much nauseous as queasy.  It's like I'm on the verge of feeling sick, but just not there yet.  

At this point in my first pregnancy, 31 dpo, I was spotting blood and miscarrying in the middle of the night.  The anniversary hasn't escaped me, and I think about it constantly, especially when I'm in the bathroom checking for the signs of something gone horribly wrong.  

Meanwhile, the countdown to the big sonogram has begun.  I will be at 7 weeks by the 31st, and every site on the web that has anything to do with being pregnant and sonograms says you will be able to hear a heartbeat by then.  However, being me, I am not getting my hopes up.  The idea of going in expecting to hear that glorious little beating and then hearing nothing at all instead makes my heart ache.  

Most likely, the doctor is going to check for uterus size, shape, and the fetal pole.  That's what I'm hoping to see more than anything else at this point...hope that it will all work out.

I'm not even sure I want to see the HcG numbers from the blood work, actually.  If they're low, I'll be crushed.  But if they're high, I'll be ridiculously happy.  There really is no in between, no happy medium.   

(For the record, at 5 weeks LMP the numbers should be 18 - 7,340 mlU/ml.  At 6 weeks LMP the numbers should be 1,080 - 56,500 mlU/ml.)

So while I'm waiting, I'll keep feeling myself up, making sure everything aches and hurts as it's supposed to.  That's always entertaining.

Superstitious Christmas

I spoke with my mother today and she told me she had a pregnancy dream.  She said she dreamt she was picking a bunch of red flowers in a field.  I spent the next two hours thinking about what that dream interpretation would be...red flowers.

After some irresponsible Googling, I found that it could be a number of things:

1)  In Asian culture, red is the color of luck, good fortune, and happiness.  General prosperity.  In Japan, if it's a red monkey, it is considered a color of fertility and childbirth and expels demons.  Good monkey.

2) With crystal healing, red is associated with infertility and impotence.

3) General dream interpretation says that dreaming of the color red indicates fertility and love.  It reveals the ripeness and readiness of a womb.

I refuse to take crystal healing seriously, so everything looks good for mom's dream.  Go mom!