Advice to New Mothers

My friend just called with bad news:  She has the dreaded mastitis.

I feel so helpless about the situation, even though I know exactly what she's going through.  It's brutal.  There's really nothing I can do except pray her husband is taking care of her.

I talked to my husband about her situation, which is similar to mine...baby won't latch, baby is being bottle fed, feeling overwhelmed...and we thought about ways to advise her that would actually be helpful, not just talking out of our asses.  Here are some of the words of wisdom we came up with while brainstorming last night:

1) Sleep when the baby sleeps.  No, really.  SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS.  If you can't sleep when he sleeps, then LIE DOWN.  Don't move.  Close your eyes.  Relax.

2) Pump when the baby is in a swing or asleep.  If you can't finish pumping because the baby wakes up or becomes fussy then cut your session short and pump again when he is content.  Use a hands-free pumping bra so you can actually do something other than hold two flanges up to your breasts.  Pump for no more than 20-25 minutes at a time, and less if you can get away with it.  Hand compressions help, so be firm but don't bruise yourself.  Drink lots of water while pumping.  For some strange reason, I always get thirsty when I am on the Medela.

3)  Don't worry about breast feeding so much.  It's great for the baby, but it's not worth losing your mind over.  If you are having a hideous time and are not crazy stubborn to keep it up like I am, then bottle feed or supplement.  There is no law that says you must breast feed.  The pressure put on new moms to breast feed is unfair and sometimes cruel.  Just because you bottle feed (we use breastflow bottles to avoid nipple confusion) your child does not mean you're a bad mother.  It's a choice you make, not a damaging decision that will hurt your baby.

However, if you choose to breast feed and you're hating it right now, I will say this:  It does get better.  It may not seem like it now, but in a few months, something happens.  Maybe the baby gets it.  Maybe his mouth gets bigger.  I have no idea what happened, but my baby went from hating breast to loving it.  The only good advice I ever received about it was "The more you do it, the better he will get at it.  Practice, practice, practice."  So I fed him and winced and cried while I did it.  Four months later, he's eating like a pro.

Use nipple shields, breast shells, and refrigerate gel pads if you can't stand the pain.  However, if you use nipple shields for a prolonged period of time, you will have to wean your baby off them and it may be difficult for a few weeks.  Talk to your local lactation center for advice and help if you use them, too.  They are usually quite good at what they do.  I didn't have as much luck with the La Leche League, but you might.  I generally got better advice from Kellymom.com.

So if you can stand the bloody, sore, peeling nipples that feel like they're on fire and about to fall off for two or three months, definitely try to hold out and keep up the feedings.  It may be hideous now, but it does get easier.  I have to admit, I was a naysayer, but now I see how whipping out your breast instead of mixing a bottle of formula is pretty much the simplest thing to do.

4) Eat well.  Eat often in little amounts.  DO NOT DIET.  The weight will come off eventually, if you get enough exercise and eat well, and especially if you are breast feeding and burning those extra 500 calories a day.  Also, drink lots of water.  Fluids are good for exhaustion and help your body normalize after the trauma of labor and delivery, IMHO.

5) Let people help you.  Do not say no to ANYTHING.  Take everything anyone gives you.  If someone offers to stop by with food, LET THEM.  Let people come over to hold the baby while you sleep or eat or even check your emails...so you can feel like a normal human being again.

On the other side of that coin, however...do NOT let relatives drive you crazy, and that includes your mother.  Whenever I said anything like, "I don't want people around right now, mom..." she would always respond in an insulted tone, "WELL I AM NOT PEOPLE!!"  Amen to that, you crazy humanoid.

That goes for inlaws, too.  Let them know, and let your significant other know, that you are calling the shots.  This is your time to heal, your time to bond, and you get to say when you want family over.  Now, if you have fabulous family, that's great.  Let them in, hand them the baby and have a love fest.

However, if your family is coo coo for cocoa puffs, then SHUT THE DOOR and tell them to come back when you're good and ready.  Don't feel guilty and don't worry about insulting them.  You have your own family now, and taking care of yourself is a part of making sure your child is healthy and happy, too.

6) Don't expect to be in love with motherhood right away.  If you are one of those lucky ladies that falls immediately in love with being a mom, then good on ya.  However, for me, it was hormones gone crazy.  I was miserable and exhausted.  I hated motherhood at first, and no one told me it was going to be that way.  All I ever heard was how amazing it was.  And it is.  Three months later.

7) Don't feel guilty.  If you make mistakes, you will not be doing anything that any other mother has done in the history of mothers.  You are a human being and you learn from your mistakes.  Take them as life lessons and appreciate them as they come.  Don't be hard on yourself, and you will be hard on yourself...harder than anyone else will be, probably.

If you are depressed, talk to someone.  Get help.  Don't wait.  Postpartum Depression is evil and must be wiped out.  There is always an option, be it therapy, medication (some are compatible with breast feeding) and resources.  Reach out and someone will catch you when you fall.

8) NIPPLE CREAM.  Loads of it.  Liberally apply nipple cream at every feeding and pumping.  Damaged nipples usually happens when skin dries out and becomes cracked.  I made the mistake of thinking my nipples were tough enough to take missing a few nipple cream applications.  I was wrong.  I got mastitis a second time at 3 1/2 months.

9) Clean everything that comes in contact with your nipples, and do not leave any wet nursing pads in contact with them.  Cleaning your pumping equipment will help keep you mastitis free, and you do not want mastitis.  It will knock you to your knees.  The nursing pads should be dry because wet and warm is where bacteria grows and you do NOT WANT THRUSH (yeast infection on your nipples) because it will most likely get into your baby's mouth.  Gross and hard to get rid of.

10) You don't have to do laundry every single day.  Let the crap pile up.  It's ok.  Pick a day during the time your husband is home and do a big clean, or better yet, let him clean.

11)  Your husband has to help more than he is, no matter how much he is helping you right now.  He may be awesome, but if you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, he needs to help more.  The reason?  If you just gave birth, you are still healing.  You won't heal if you are stressing out and not getting enough sleep.  You need to give him the bulk of the responsibilities.  That means handing off the baby when your husband/boyfriend comes home from work and taking some time to yourself.  You are working, too, after all.  And you don't get lunch breaks and have support staff to help you out when you're beat.

12)  Let your husband bottle feed your baby at night.  Let him take at least one feeding so you can get a good chunk of sleep.  Pump some milk for the night or supplement formula.  It won't hurt the baby, and in fact, some people think it's best to bottle feed at night so it will be easier to wean him later on.  Also, it's a good time for father to bond with baby.  He won't get that opportunity unless you relinquish a feeding or two.

13)  Don't pump on the highest setting.  Are you trying to rip your nipples off?  'Cus they don't grow back.

14)  The milk will come when the milk comes.  Don't stress if your milk doesn't come in right away or is low quantity.  It's actually not the quantity of milk that matters so much.  A few feedings a day should give your baby the nutrients and benefits from breast milk he needs for the entire day, no matter how much milk you give him.

15)  If you want to up your milk, take fenugreek and eat well.  Fenugreek comes in liquid form, pill form, and tea.  I took mine in tea, three cups a day, and it worked with a vengeance.  I was pumping upwards of 9-12 ounces a SESSION.  It was too much and eventually I had to step it back a little because it was causing plugged ducts.

16)  Freeze your milk supply.  Frozen milk, if stored properly, lasts at least 3 months.  If you have a separate freezer from your fridge, it lasts 6 months.  Save it for those days you want to leave the baby with a friend or daddy.

17) Let your friends come over.  You feel gross, right?  WHO CARES.  Let them come in and hold the baby while you take a shower and rinse the stink off.

18)  Call friends daily.  If you don't have a connection with a human being other than your baby or husband, you will go insane.  Even a ten minute conversation while walking the baby in a sling back and forth in your living room will help you feel normal again, even if only for that ten minutes.

19)  Sling sling sling.  They work and babies benefit from being close to you.  Kangaroo slings are awesome for my baby, although he's stretching the seams.  He sits in it while I walk around, and sometimes dozes off.  At 4 months old, babies don't nap like newborns do.  At times they need a little encouragement to go to sleep.  Later on, when they have better neck control, Ergos are awesome, although not as stylish as the Beco.  The Moby was interesting, but made me feel like either Obi Wan Kenobi or like I was being strangled with yards and yards of fabric.  And the Bjorn, although popular, hurt my back after the baby was heavier than 12 pounds.

20)  Binky it.  We use the gumdrop pacifier and our baby loves it.  Some people have an aversion to the pacifier.  I don't, and here's why.  He needs to be soothed, and he's sucking on my fingers when I need to use my fingers.  Also, pacifiers are said to help lower the risk of SIDS.  If you are worried about your kid being addicted to pacifiers and having the wean them later on, think about it:  You can take away the pacifier, but you can't take away his thumbs.

If you're concerned about the pacifier popping out of his mouth when he's falling asleep and waking him up, then put the pacifier in while he's falling asleep, and then wait until he's in deep REM.  Slooooowly take the pacifier out while he's sleeping.

If you use the pacifier only when he needs soothing, it shouldn't be too much of a concern, IMHO.

21)  Swaddle until he's too big.  We swaddled until 3 months.  Some swaddle to 6 months.  Babies love swaddling.  They sleep better swaddled, too.  We weaned him off the swaddle and he had a few restless weeks, but now he's fine.  Now we put him in The Guardian Sleeper.  Although he's still getting used to it, he's secure, warm, and won't roll over onto his stomach.

22)  Buy everything you need online.  If you don't live next to a baby supply store, ORDER AMAZON.  They literally have everything you would ever need, and usually at lower prices and with no shipping fees.  The items come to your door, and that removes one more trip to the store.

23)  If you are pumping, BUY EXTRA EQUIPMENT.  Buy lots and lots of bottles, tops with membranes, nipples for your bottles...so you don't have to constantly be washing everything.  Buy extra nipple flanges, too, and IN THE CORRECT SIZE.  I can't emphasize that enough. The wrong size rubs up against your nipple and causes friction and damage.  Your  nipple should NOT touch the sides of the flange.

24)  Join a mother's group, like the Day One centers, GGMG or a Yahoo group for moms or parents in your area.  Eventually, you will want to meet moms with babies the same age as yours.  Also, they often have great tips for childcare, infantcare, playgroups and used equipment you may not want to spend $100 on.  Some groups are free, while others are not.  DO IT.  You will be glad you did.

25) LEAVE YOUR HOUSE.  Take a walk.  Sling the baby while he's tiny and walk.  Don't take a humongous diaper bag with you.  My husband bought a tiny manly man diaper bag and he loves it.  It's compact and he can carry it on his shoulder without feeling like Mr. Mom.  All you're going to need is a few diapers, some wipes and an emergency bottle, if you're not breast feeding.  If you are breast feeding, bring a Hooter Hider instead.

26)  Don't be obsessive about the diaper cream.  Seriously, you'll go broke.  The baby will not get a raging case of diaper rash if you skip diaper cream a few times a day.  It's the acidic chemicals/ammonia dermatitis in urine that causes diaper rash most of the time.  Just be sure to wipe every little bit of your baby's bottom and front before sticking him back in the diaper.  Let him air out a little, if you can.  Babies like to be naked.  Just watch out for the boys...they will hose you if they feel so inclined.

27)  Two Costco sized boxes of diapers per size should do you.  We used two boxes from Costco Huggies in size one before the baby grew out of them.  Same for size two.  Don't go crazy with diaper purchases, however.  Wait for the sales and coupons.

28)  Sign up for the Enfamil and Similac sites.  Along with a bunch of spam and junk mail, you will get coupons for formula in the mail, and sometimes free samples.  Also, Walgreens coupons are sometimes 2 for 1 on formula.  If you get lucky like we did, you'll hit them on a day they're having a sale, use your coupon, and buy two big things of formula for $15.

29) Go to a restaurant while he's still a newborn.  The baby will sleep through most meals when he's tiny.  Not so much when he's bigger.

30) God forbid you get mastitis, but if you do USE A DISPOSABLE DIAPER and put warm/hot water in it until it is saturated, but not soaking and dripping.  Apply it to your breast to get the wet heat you need to get your milk flowing.  When it gets cold, microwave it for 5-10 seconds and it will be warm/hot again.  Be careful not to burn yourself.

Also, take warm to hot showers before pumping/feeding.  Cover your tender nipple with your hand and let the water hit your breast for a good 5-10 minutes.  Then, pump or feed to get the infection out.  When you get the infection to come out, you may or may not see gross stringy stuff in your milk and that's normal.  Your baby can eat it or you can strain it out, but let the baby have your milk.  All the antibodies that are fighting the infection in your breast will help him, too.

Call your advice nurse or doctor and they should just send the prescription to the pharmacy for you.  Have your husband/boyfriend pick it up, since most likely you will be too weak to go anywhere.  The antibiotics they give you are not the usual antibiotics, like Penicillin.  Take care to follow the instructions VERY CAREFULLY, or you may vomit or have nausea.

Sleep and pump constantly.  And if you have leftover meds from the labor/delivery for the pain, TAKE THEM.  Tylenol OR Motrin, but not both at simultaneously.

After you take all the antibiotics (TAKE ALL THE MEDS) then you should look into acidophilus or probiotics in pill form to replenish the good bacteria that was killed along with the bad.  If you don't, you are at greater risk of getting a yeast infection, otherwise known as the dreaded thrush. Take the pills during or after the course of antibiotics, it doesn't really matter as far as I can tell.  But take them.

What causes Mastitis?  Bacteria, not emptying your milk often enough, and STRESS.  If you are not taking care of yourself or do not have a good support system, you are more vulnerable to Mastitis.  Take care of yourself.

Kellymom is a great site for breast feeding issues.  Use it!

31)  White noise.  It saved us many nights.  Most babies love white noise because it reminds them of the womb.  It soothes babies to sleep and makes them calmer, for the most part.  We use For Crying Out Loud and the Sleep Sheep.  If your baby is freaking out and screaming, try shushing.  It does work, although it seems weird to be two inches from the baby's ear while making a continuous "SHHHHHHHH" noise.  Do it loudly enough and he will usually calm down.

32)  The DVD Happiest Baby on the Block is worth purchasing if you're having confusion and questions about how to soothe your baby.  We also loved the Armin Brott books and DVDs.

33) We received a wipes warmer as a gift and ended up loving it.  Newborns hate the wet cold wipe in the middle of the night, and it wakes them up in a jarring way. The warm wipe took some of the bite out of that midnight changing.

34)  Speaking of midnight changings, DON'T.  If your baby is wet, let him ride it out if he is still sleeping.  It won't hurt to leave him in a diaper that's wet overnight.  Disposable diapers, if you're using them, don't leave them soaking wet anyway.  Unless it's poop or leaking, leave it be.

35)  If your baby is sleeping through the night (LUCKY YOU) then DON'T wake him/her for feedings. I was advised this before I gave birth and thank God I didn't listen.  We slept well the first three months of the baby's life because he was a great sleeper.  As long as your baby is gaining weight and healthy, he doesn't need to be fed every two hours.  If your baby is underweight, you may be advised by your pediatrician to wake him for feedings, however.

37)  Your hair will fall out.  And I mean it will FALL OUT.  You will think you are going bald at 2 or 3 months.  You won't.  My husband is keen on saying, "You're hair is NORMALIZING.  This is the amount of hair that didn't fall out when you were pregnant."

38)  When the baby hits a certain age, the jumper seat and the kicky seat.  Get them second hand if you can, but they are terrific for play time.  And you can put them in the bathroom while you take a shower, which is AWESOME.  The jumper is for when the baby has good neck control.  The kicky seat is great for any age up to the weight restriction.  Swings are great, if you can afford one, but not absolutely necessary, IMHO.

39)  For you iPhone users, the Total Baby application is awesome for keeping track of diaper changes, feedings, sleep schedules, bathing schedules...anything and everything you want to monitor.  It also averages out everything for you, so you can see what you are doing with the little guy.  We use it religiously and it keeps everything on a consistent schedule.

40)  Don't listen to any advice you don't need or want, including this post I'm writing now.  All women are different.  All babies are unique.  What may work for one may not work for another.  It's not as if there's a rule book that gives you all the answers...otherwise motherhood would be a breeze...and we all know it's not.

41)  Lastly, things do change.  You will not always feel like jumping off a bridge.  You will not always be fighting with your husband because you are both sleep deprived.  It will taper off eventually.

The cruel part is:  Post Partum Depression and baby blues arrive just when you're feeling your worst...right after delivery and when you're thrown into this new world of responsibility.  I told a friend the other day that motherhood, while amazing and rewarding, was like totally deconstructing my old life and building a completely new one from scratch in record time.  I also said it was not uncommon for me to wake up some mornings completely forgetting I had a baby and feeling a weightlessness.  Although that sounds horrible, even as I type it, it's honest.  Some days I just want my old life back.

But what always comes through that doubt and insecurity and feeling of being drowned in responsibility is that baby.  What an incredible gift.  With all the complaining, bitching, moaning and times of pain and suffering, you get a prize.  And he's nothing you would ever trade a lifetime of freedom for.

I won't say it gets easier, however, as many moms told me when I complained.  It becomes hard in a different way.  You get used to the difficulties.  You learn how to tolerate and cope.  You become a mother...the mother you always wanted to be. Be positive whenever possible.  Cry when you want to.  Lean on your family and friends if you can.  Stay strong, and hold out for that moment when the lightbulb appears above your head.  It will come and it will be enlightening.

Beastfeeding

Ok, so the thing about breastfeeding is this:  Everything that everyone says about it is absolutely true.  It's amazing, wonderful, fabulous, and brings you a closeness to your child that you will probably never ever experience again in your relationship.  It's truly one of those things that makes you feel more "motherly" because you are nourishing your child with the best possible food...your own milk generated by your body.

But that's the sugary sweet stuff that people love to ram down your throat when you're in the midst of trying to teach your little beastie how to latch on correctly while he chomps, pulls, and scrapes most of your nipple off your breast, and, as most of us know, nipples don't grow back after they fall off.

Here's my take on breastfeeding:  It's horrible.  It's terrible.  It's scarring.  I hated it.  And here's my story of how I came to not hate it so much.

When I was in the hospital, surrounded by the lactation specialists, I was taught the first thing about breastfeeding that every new mother hears:  Do NOT use bottles.  Do NOT supplement.  Keep trying until it works.

I did.  I tried.  Even with no milk for 9 days, I kept trying.  But after the sixth day of nothing but the colostrum, which I never personally saw come out, the baby started screaming.  And when I say "screaming" I mean "YOU ARE KILLING ME, BAD PARENTS!"

My husband and I decided to use formula that day.  We gave our little man two ounces of Similac, which he promptly guzzled down...and then passed out for eight hours of sleep.  It was the first time we had seen him sleep peacefully since the hospital.

That was the day we also decided to supplement with formula.  My milk came in four days later, but it was a pathetic amount that barely filled a two ounce bottle.  I pumped religiously eight times a day and took fenugreek tea until my supply was up to par, but it was still impossible.  The baby would not latch.

The other issue were my nipples, which were bloody raw and so painful I could not even wear a shirt or take a shower without crying out in pain.  Whenever I had to feed the baby, I would literally sob.  It was ridiculously bad.  Contracting mastitis certainly didn't help matters much.  Seeing puss come out of your nipples is worse than seeing blood, believe it or not.

I used nipple cream, which probably saved me some serious suffering, and gel pads, which were a Godsend.  But still, the baby was not latching properly and my nipples were being destroyed.  It was a truly traumatic experience to feed him, which was not helping with my milk supply any.  The stress made pumping difficult, as it often causes your milk to deplete.

I visited the lactation specialist weekly, bringing the baby in and trying to teach him how to eat.  It helped, but not enough, and the baby kept nibbling instead of sucking.  We used all the paraphernalia available...nipple shields, breast shields, warm wet diapers on the breast to get the milk moving...nothing worked well enough to ease the pain.

A month passed and we still used bottles, even with the threat of nipple confusion looming overhead.  But I was still breastfeeding during the day and using supplements only at night, so I could rest.  We used special breastflow bottles to help with the nipple confusion, which worked, I believe.

Two months passed, and even after a nasty bout of mastitis I persisted.  I was determined to keep breastfeeding, even though my own doctor told me it was ok to stop.  The pressure to continue came from everywhere, especially the mother's groups that seemed fanatical about it.  It was a breastfeeding cult.

Even after the two month mark, the time everyone told me when things would get better, I was suffering through the feedings.  The baby was thriving on bottled milk I expressed daily, which in itself was pure hell.  But I was miserable.  Breastfeeding was not a joy, nor was it the amazing bonding experience I had imagined it would be.  In fact, I began resenting the baby.  The guilt over not being able to nurse him was killing my self-esteem and I was starting to dwell in my post-partum depression.  After researching anti-depressant medication and breastfeeding, I refused to take the medication my doctor prescribed to battle the baby blues, which had not gone away since the birth.  My emotions were running ramshackle and driving me insane...and failing at breastfeeding was fueling the insanity.

Three months passed, and a second bout of mastitis nearly ended it.  The first time I had a breast infection, I nearly quit breastfeeding for good.  I told myself it was a sign from the almighty.  But when the infection ended, the baby started nursing again and his latch had miraculously improved.  I was encouraged enough to continue.

But the second time I had mastitis I was finished with breastfeeding.  It was stupid to continue, I thought.  How could I keep doing this to myself?  Is it worth it just to give him milk from my breast?  I could express it and he would still get the nutrients.  THIS MUST STOP.

The infection finally went away, and when I was ready I breastfed.  I took the first feeding with a great deal of trepidation, feeling the dread of the first painful latch.  Instead, I was shocked to find that the baby latched easily, drank long, slow draws of milk, and everything had magically turned right side up again.  Breastfeeding had become easy, suddenly and without any graduation.  It was that instantaneous.

I have no idea how it happened.  I tried to guess...maybe his mouth grew?  Maybe he's just matured into a good nurser?  The mystery remains.

So you new mothers out there struggling with breastfeeding your newborn baby, take heed/comfort...it is harder than you ever believed it could be.  But yes, it does get easier.  For me, it was three months.  But no one ever tells you how difficult it will be before it does.



Things I wished knew about breastfeeding before I started:

1) It hurts beyond pain.  The BS I heard over and over again was that if it hurts, you're not doing it right.  The latch is wrong, the baby's mouth is off-center, you need to get the whole areola in his mouth...the pain is your fault or your baby's fault.  Breastfeeding doesn't hurt.

Look...nipples are sensitive before you even start breastfeeding.  After you begin the latching and the nursing, they feel like they are on fire.  You have this little mouth on you, struggling to suck milk out of your ducts.  My baby sucked so hard in the hospital that a duct actually CAME OUT.  It was hanging off my nipple like a bloody teardrop.  And the nurse had the balls to tell me it was NORMAL?!  Please.

2) Nipple cream helps (Motherlove is awesome), gel pads and breast shields also help, but nothing will really help.  It will hurt until it doesn't anymore.  And even when it supposedly doesn't hurt, it's still not completely comfortable.

3) I used nipple shields, per the instructions from the lactation specialist.  What they didn't tell me was that the baby would have to be weaned off the shields, which, when the time came, was very difficult.

4) Milk letdown HURT.  It was like lightening pain down my breasts.  In a few months, however, it now feels just like a pinch.

5) The baby sucks so hard my nipples turn temporarily white and I get shooting pain, which is a sign of vasospasms.

6) I felt like the baby was rejecting ME.  It wasn't just the breast he was refusing, it felt like he was telling me to shove off.  It hurt my feelings and I cried...a LOT.  Crazy hormones did not help any.

7) Feeding the baby with a bottle was not hard.  In fact, it was easy.  And there was no nipple confusion.  He literally takes anything and sucks on it.  We did use special bottles that helped, however, and we listened to the lactation specialist and followed her instructions to a tee.

8) Mastitis is evil.  Don't get it.  And if you do get it, go to Kellymom and get all the advice you can.

After you get mastitis, don't get thrush, which is a yeast infection for breasts/nipples.  If you do get it, your baby will probably also get it, and it's very difficult to get rid of.  To avoid thrush after mastitis, take probiotics or acidophilus to counteract the antibiotics the doctor will most likely give you to get rid of the infection.  And change your breast pads often.  Don't let your nipples sit in a wet, moist environment.

9) Let your nipples breathe.  Go without a bra after feedings and just air dry.  They need air to heal.  Then slather on the nipple cream.  Be generous with it.

10) Use gel pads on your nipples.  Put them in the refrigerator and make them cool first, then apply after feedings.  It helps with the pain for a short while.

11) Use a wet, warm disposable diaper on your breast to get the milk flowing, if you have trouble with the letdown.  If the diaper becomes cold, pop it in the microwave for 5-10 seconds and it will warm up nicely.  Be careful not to burn yourself if you're using the microwave.

12) Take hot showers.  Cover your nipples with your hands and let the water hit your breasts.  This will help get the milk flowing, too.

13) Pumping is hideous.  Buy lots of supplies, so you don't have to wash everything every time you pump.  Don't use the highest setting, and don't pump for long periods when you don't have to.  When pumping, drink water.  Also, try to zone out so you don't go insane.  I used to watch television, but now I read books.  It helps make the monotony a little easier to take.

If you are pumping, make sure you have the correct size flanges.  If your nipples are touching the sides of the flange, you should get a larger size.

14) Breastfeeding in public is not as easy as they say.  It's much easier to give the kid a bottle, IMHO, especially if you're shy like I am.  Whipping out a boob in public is hard if you're not completely comfortable with being semi-nude in front of strangers.  If you use a  nursing cover or hooter hider, breastfeeding with your baby squirming underneath a little colorful tent is most definitely going to be a peep show for some lucky dude walking by you.  So no, it's not easy...at least for me.  At home?  Piece of cake.  In public?  Not so much.

15) There are two sides to every coin.  There is the side that says breastfeeding is the miracle of nutrition, and that your baby will be dumb as a stump, get ear infections all the time, be sickly with allergies...blah blah blah...if you don't breastfeed.  Then there's the other side that says it's untrue that breastfeeding gives you all the benefits claimed.  Yes, your baby may have fewer ear infections.  But all the other stuff is really opinion.

You can pick a side, but either way, there is proof for both arguments.

16) Nursing shouldn't take forever.  At first, it will, and it will eat up your entire day mercilessly.  I would feed the baby 30-40 minutes EACH SIDE and be completely doubled over in pain and miserable.  Ugh.  But now that he's got it down and knows how to nurse correctly, he eats for about 8 minutes total.  Remember, you aren't a milk machine.  Your milk will get on a schedule as your baby does, so give it some time and be patient.  A doctor told my friend that a newborn gets all the nutrients and benefits he needs to stimulate the immune system from a few ounces of breastmilk a day.  Just a few.  The rest is just gravy (and bonding, natch.)

Dr. Newman has a great site that shows babies nursing correctly and incorrectly, in case you're interested.

17) Formula is not the devil.  Honestly, people who think formula is poison for the baby are a tad fanatical.  In fact, some pediatricians believe a little formula is a good thing, when it's fortified with vitamin D.

18)  Set short goals.  When you start breastfeeding, don't jump the gun and say, "I'm going to breastfeed for a YEAR!" because you'll beat yourself up if you decide breastfeeding isn't for you.  Just make your goals a month at a time.  At one month, I patted myself on the back and said, "Ok, two months."  It's helped me not give up completely.

19) Don't listen to women who say things definitively.  Women are different, and everyone has a different experience with breastfeeding.  There is no rule book out there that will give you the answers for the entire breastfeeding population on the planet.  What may be right for one woman may be completely wrong for another.  Own your experience and learn from your mistakes.  Don't beat yourself up over breastfeeding just because someone else says you should.

20) It gets easier, but you'll want to quit a million times before it does.  And if you do stop, you're not a bad person.  If your baby is thriving, gaining weight and growing, you are doing a great job at nourishing him.  Formula, breastmilk, bottles or boob, you are doing right by your baby.

The No-Fun Sonogram

Sonograms were usually a fun treat whenever my husband and I went to the doctor's office.  In fact, we were addicted to them, and would slyly interject the suggestion every time we went in for a checkup.  "Sooo, are we going to see our baby today?"  My husband was a cool operator, but rarely did the doctor say yes.  We managed to get a few extra glimpses at our son, but it was always after some form of begging.  Embarrassing?  Sure...but every visit we asked anyway.

The last sonogram I had was last week, and it was the NO FUN sonogram.  This was a sonogram of my right breast, which contained what felt like a small, pea sized lump that hadn't gone away as my ob/gyn had hoped.

I was referred to a breast surgeon, who then referred me to the sonogram/ultrasound department where I had an obscene amount of jelly goo put on my chest.  They checked for about ten minutes, and then called in the head radiologist to take a final look.  She poked around with the wand and said, "Well, I can't tell you that I see anything for certain.  I'll send the films over to your doctor and you'll get a call."  That was last week. No call yet.

In the end, there was no prognosis, seeing as there were no actual doctors in the room to make a definitive decision.  I am not awaiting a call from my specialist who will give me the news that it's probably nothing (crossing fingers, toes, and eyeballs.)

Four Month Old?

I have this friend who also has a lovely little boy baby.  He is 8 months old.  Last week we had this exchange on a thread:

ME:  He's 4 months old and so heavy.  18 pounds!!

FRIEND:  18 pounds!?  My baby is 8 months and HE'S 18 pounds!

ME:  Yeah, well, my baby is really long, too.  27 inches!

FRIEND:  MY baby is 27 inches, too!

ME:  (pause)  I HAVE A HUMONGOUS GIGANTIC BABY!!!!

FRIEND:  You have a healthy, thriving baby!

ME:  YES!  A HEALTHY, THRIVING BABY WHO WILL EAT YOUR BABY IF YOU PUT HIM IN THE SAME PLAY PEN!


Ok, so the conversation didn't exactly go like that.  But it was close.

Doctor, Doctor

The 4 month visit is misleading, since the baby isn't yet 4 months...YET.  He is hitting that milestone in a few weeks.

However, the visit was revealing.  My sore wrist and aching back do not lie.  He weighs just shy of 18 pounds and is 26 inches long!

That's pretty much 90th percentile in everything.  No wonder he's ripping his 3-6 month sized clothes apart like a little baby Hulk.

P.S.  I stayed to see him get his vaccination shots...and although it was horrible for me to see, I did not cry.  He did, however, lightweight that he is.

A Wrinkle In Time

Seeing the date of my last post has made me realize how time has mysteriously disappeared in the blink of an eye.  It seems like yesterday I typed on this computer, and now it's December.  I'm losing my ability to appreciate the minutes passing by and the seconds ticking away.  Time is the enemy...it is quickly making my baby into a toddler.

Getting used to the new addition has not been an easy transition.  Sleep has been hard to come by lately, since he hit the three month mark.  He has stopped sleeping through the night and now wakes every two to three hours to feed, be changed, or to cuddle.  This can be attributed to the three month growth spurt he was scheduled to have, but I believe it's also what is known as sleep regression.  His brain is simply too active to shut down at night, causing him to wake up to learn and grow.

Since my husband is awesome, he has taken the night shift since birth.  I have been able to sleep fairly well, even if it's not the deep REM sleep I crave.  Without sleep, I fear, I would be a monster during the day.  Depression without sleep is a scary thing.  My husband is understanding of this fact and takes on the task of night feedings without question.  He's a great father, and always says he loves the time he can spend with his baby son, even if he's bleary-eyed by morning.

I believe I am getting used to the routine of motherhood, although some days, like today, I feel like I'm burnt out and tired of the monotony.  The baby is pure light and love, no doubt.  But I am occasionally overwhelmed by the huge changes and want to run away from it all.  My husband doesn't seem to understand how it affects me adversely to be with our son all day long, all week long.  He goes to work, and although he works hard he also gets breaks, has peers to talk to, has mini-escapes.  I am confined to the baby, and that's the entirety of my day.

In other news, I have lost all the baby weight.  However this does not mean I have gained back any of the muscle tone.  If I suck in my gut 24/7, I can fit into my jeans again.  However, as soon as I take a breath, I look like the before picture in a Weight Watcher's ad.

My hair is also falling out in fistfuls, but so is the baby's.  By the end of the year, we'll both require comb-overs.