Truths

After months of irresponsible Googling and good/bad/horrible advice I received from numerous sources, I finally had my moment and gave birth to a son...and it was NOTHING like what was described to me from dozens of people who shared their birth stories with me.

1) I was in labor for 22 hours, 20 of which were relatively painless thanks to the epidural.

2) The epidural did not hurt at all. I barely felt the needle and catheter go in.

3) I had a catheter put in to collect urine. No one told me this would happen, and they still wouldn't let me drink water even though it did.

4) The epidural bag ran out, which was horribly painful. Once they replaced it, it was never quite the same. My leg went numb for about 3 days afterwards.

5) The epidural did not make me shake uncontrollably, like so many warned. Also, I did not get nauseous from medication given to me pre-birth.

6) A resident delivers your baby, not your OB/GYN.

7) I did not poop/pee on the table during delivery.

8) I could totally feel the contractions during the pushing part of the delivery, which was beyond painful.

9) I did not feel the head or shoulders come out. All I felt was relief.

10) The resident/doctor scraped my uterus with her hand and it was worse than the delivery of the baby.

11) I had a medium tear, due to the suctioning of the baby. It was not painful at all. In fact, I never felt pain from the tear.

12) I DID feel terrible pain from the hemorrhoids. They were the size of walnuts. The first bowel movement after giving birth was really frightening, and for good reason.

13) The hospital stay was awesome, post delivery.

14) The baby does not instinctively know how to nurse. Breast-feeding in the hospital was a bad experience for me, and continues to be extremely challenging nearly six weeks later.

15) The nurses/doctors/lactation specialist do not discuss formula. Ever. And they push the breast-feeding like a cult. It's a lot of pressure on the mother, and it shouldn't be.

16) Colostrum isn't always enough for the baby.

17) They massage your abdomen after delivery and it HURTS. However, they need to do it to get the placenta out. Mine did not cooperate, however, no matter how much they massaged.

18) After you go home, you're so shell-shocked you don't know which end is up and you are in so much pain you want to die. Medication saves you a little suffering, but what is essential is an amazing husband/family member/friend.

19) Having visitors right after getting home SUCKS. It's more of a chore for you than a help, in my case.

20) Your mother/mother-in-law WILL drive you insane, no matter how good the intentions.

21) The baby will not be cute until he/she has somewhat of a routine established. For me, it took two weeks to get there.

22) You may not bond with your child right away, and that's ok. It will happen when you're not exhausted, in pain, or depressed from the hormones raging through your system.

23) The "Baby Blues" can be "severe depression" in disguise.

24) I did not have a raging appetite due to my breast-feeding.

25) My body looks like hell. I lost 30 pounds, but still look 6 months pregnant. Also, my breasts look like deflated footballs.