Breast Feeding

We stayed in the hospital for five days and then I was released on August 31st to fend for myself. The hospital was a comfortable place for me, and I actually dreaded leaving. The nurses, lactation specialist, doctors, pediatricians, OBGYNs...they were all available to me at the push of a button. At home, however, there was no button. It was just me, my husband and the baby.

The first day back, we were doing well. Baby slept through the night, probably exhausted by the long journey he had made into the world. I was in quite a bit of pain, and popping the prescription motrin and stool softeners like candy.

The second day back was like a pitcher of ice water thrown into my face. The baby did well during the day, but as soon as it became late...around midnight...he started screaming. And he simply would not stop. Husband tried to let me sleep and heal, since I was still suffering from the after-effects of pushing a human out of my uterus. But around 2 a.m., he came down to wake me.

He apologized, but said I would have to breast feed the baby.

Breast feeding had become this sort of albatross on my back. My milk had not come in as of day six. The nurses and doctors and lactation specialist at the hospital had all said not to worry...that the colostrum would be plenty for him to eat until my milk came in. But apparently, after five days, the baby was tired of the colostrum and was ready for a real meal.

I kept saying to the nurses and doctors, "He seems to be really hungry."

They kept reiterating the importance of NOT using formula. Breast is best.

"Not even to supplement? I want to breast feed, but I have no milk. Can't I just supplement with formula until it does come in?"

The answer was always, "Don't worry about it. He isn't starving."

Well, on the second day home, we were down to our last nerve trying to calm this baby down. I cried when my husband asked me to breast feed him without my milk in yet. It was extremely painful to breast feed in the hospital. My nipples were sore and bleeding. In fact, the baby had such a good sucking technique, he had literally sucked skin out of the inside of my nipple, leaving a raw, bloody piece of skin hanging.

I said to the husband, "This is ridiculous. We HAVE to discuss formula! I can't breast feed him like this!!" I was in tears, husband was in tears. He finally decided to call the advice nurse while I tried to suckle the baby on my raw nipples.

The advice nurse said, "Sure, supplement two ounces of formula. There's no harm in that."

When my husband told me how uncontroversial the conversation had been, I wanted to go back to the hospital and slap everyone. How dare they not give me the option to formula supplement my baby? They refused to even discuss it.

My baby was hungry. That's the bottom line. I needed to feed him. Formula is not the devil.