As I'm nearing my 20th week of pregnancy, I'm waiting for the overwhelming sense of relief and calm to overtake me. So far, there has been nothing but worry and anxiety.
Having been to my 2nd trimester sonogram and having HATED IT, I am now in a weird place. There's something ominous about the sonogram that doesn't go perfectly. In a way, the technician is doomed to failure if he opens his mouth, because the slightest raised eyebrow or vague question will make me flutter like a panicked butterfly. It's not a good job to have, when I'm the patient.
However, I do stand by my original opinion about the guy...he was an ass. I was excited to have mom and hub in the room, but he wouldn't let them move from their seats. Also, no video or photos, so hub was stuck standing there with his video camera all poised and ready to go for naught.
In contrast, the previous NT sono six weeks ago was totally relaxed. We were allowed to take video and pictures, and the tech was friendly and calming. This tech was the complete opposite...cold, cocky, technical, impersonal.
When I mentioned how I was eagerly anticipating feeling the first kicks, he said, "You won't like it. You'll wish it didn't happen. It doesn't feel good." I had no idea he had a uterus and was once pregnant. My bad.
I strained to look at the machine so I could see the little dude, but the tech had it pointed directly at him, and therefore directly away from ME. I could see NOTHING. He said, "Oh, we used to have a mirror, but it broke." And that was the end of that conversation. (Midway through the sono, I did manage to get my compact mirror out of my purse and see the rest of the procedure.)
Then, the actual sonogram. At first it was merely uncomfortable. He did not have the gentle touch of the last NT technician. Instead, he pushed hard and insistently, saying "He's not cooperating." Uncomfortable soon turned to straight up pain as he jabbed me until the sono wand actually disappeared into my stomach.
When he couldn't get the angle he wanted, he started violently shaking my belly to get the baby to move. No warning, just SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE. It was brutal and scary. I was squeaking and yelping, but he gave no indication of sympathy. Obviously, he took he job very seriously, but his patients...not so much.
He mentioned a few times how amnios were GREAT, and even asked me why I chose not to have one, given my advanced maternal age. Then, he voiced a concern about the nuchal skin at the back of the baby's neck, and how it was thicker than he would have liked.
The baby measured 11 days ahead, a measurement the technician did not seem optimistic with. He actually mentioned that anything over 10 was not good, and that it was concerning him.
When I questioned him, he acted as if I was a worry wart and even said, "I'm sorry I said anything now." I was shrugged off rather quickly and unceremoniously.
After about 25 minutes of hideous scanning, he finally said "DONE."
It was a horrible experience, all in all. I felt so confident going in...coming out I was a wreck. And a week later, I'm still shell shocked. What does the 11 days actually mean? What does the nuchal tissue on the back of the neck indicate? Will it be a Down Syndrome baby? Our NT scan was 1.33, which is awesome. How could it be that something has changed between then and now? What the Hell is going on?!
Instead of reveling in the uncertainty and mystery of pregnancy, I am HATING THIS. After writing my doctor to vent, I received a message back that basically said, "I am really worried about you. You need to call the counselor."
Crazy pregnant lady...that's me.
No comments:
Post a Comment