The Toddler and His Agenda

Having a baby on the verge of becoming a toddler is one of those things that could go either way.  At this point, he's learning at an exponential rate, eating up information and being excessively observant of everything around him.  In other words, he's kicking ass and taking names in the brain development department.

However, as the two adults who spend the most time with him, his speedy growth makes me nervous in more ways than seven-thousand.  I have seen him eyeball the trash can full of disgusting poopy diapers from across the room like it was a race and he was Steve Prefontaine.  Catching him before he crawls into the recycling bags has become a challenge for both of us, and one I frequently lose.  Eating things off the floor is something he seems to look forward to doing far more than eating an actual dinner off a nice, clean plate.  He's basically the baby equivalent of a tornado, born to destroy things in his wake.

The little man has also taken to whining for things he cannot reach or have because they are either a) too far away from his reach or b) Ginzu knives.  The issue we frequently have is:  Do we give it to him to make the noise go away?  The terrible, terrible noise?

More than not, we are bad parents and give in.  The whining is intensely painful to the human ear, and sometimes, we just can't bear it.  Knowing that we are most likely teaching our kid how to manipulate us for things is not making us more pro-active, either.  We have become shadows of our former, hard-nosed selves.

The walking has been our main bone of contention.  He prefers crawling, which is the quickest mode of transportation and gets him to the poopy diaper trash in a hurry.  However, seeing all my friends' babies walk at ten months, twelve months, fourteen months...it's driving me a little crazy.

I bribe him with crackers, teething biscuits, cookies, cupcakes.  Nothing will make him walk.  He just takes a tentative wiggle wabble step and then BOOM...falls to his knees and disappears in a poof of dust.  I fear he will skip walking altogether, jump up one day and take off in a sprint across the living room.  He won't slow down, not even for dear ol' mom.

And I do mean "OLD."  Feeling my bones creak and my head ache has become the norm nowadays.  Being back a work has taken its toll on my body, mind, and soul.  I ache from head to toe some days, and the pregnancy has undoubtedly caused some serious stress and anxiety.  When I collapse onto the couch after a day at work, I wonder how I will survive TWO of these Tasmanian Devils?

Today I returned from work to find the little man sitting on the floor, smiling, fiddling with a toy block.  He cooed and "talked" to himself, and then noticed me at the door and started grinning and babbling.  The nonsense talk has become his daily routine since month ten, and I eat it up with a spoon.  Every non-word is like a gold coin in my pocket.

Although I remember so clearly life before baby, I can't imagine life without little man now.  He is a plump little ball of energy that makes my life rich beyond my expectations.  Bringing up baby has been the most bittersweet of experiences.  Seeing him change from baby to boy has made my heart feel as if it has grown too big for my chest, and on occasion, it aches.  But oh, what a lovely ache it is.

And Exhale...

The testing results were great.  Normal across the board.  Now, all that is left is the blood work that checks for Spina bifida, something I am not too worried about.

Knowing all the chromosomes are there and accounted for is a relief I wish I had experienced with my first pregnancy.  Although the CVS testing was painful, I feel a calmness about this pregnancy that I never felt before.  It makes me wish I had just gone ahead and gotten the testing done before.

There is something to be said for taking precautions, although my husband and I discussed what our options would have been if the outcome had been very different.  Our conclusion?

We had no idea what we would have done.  Testing just makes it clearer that there is no clear solution to having a child with special needs.

CVS Testing and the Suckiness of It All

We bit the bullet and went in for CVS testing.  All of you who said it wouldn't hurt, and "Oh, it's a bit uncomfortable" can just stop with the pussy-footing.  It DID hurt.  It hurt like a mother.  I can't believe how big the needle was and WHERE IT WENT.

Not only was the needle huge, it was inserted abdominally, which means it went through my skin to the uterus, which had to be punctured with a fairly intense push.  The technician explained how she had to move the needle back and forth to get a good sample, otherwise she risked having to do the test again, which was unacceptable to everyone involved.  In other words, I was not the best patient they had ever had.

Luckily, the technicians were very good, very comforting, and knowledgeable.  Unfortunately, I was a big wuss and nearly hyperventilated.  The technician was so concerned about my anxiety level, she had me sit for a good ten minutes after the procedure.  I was even offered a juice box.

And now, the wait.  The horrible wait, which seems to come with fertility and pregnancy after a "certain age."  It's ironic I am made to wait with such terrible anticipation now when all throughout my teens I was obsessed with growing up faster.  I was a stupid, stupid teenager.  But being a smart forty-something has not been any easier than puberty.