After a harrowing episode with a completely psychotic screamy pregnant woman in the parking garage at the medical center (sonogram day), I realized I was pregnant too, and I didn't deserve any extra special treatment from strangers.
How did I come to this conclusion? From witnessing the wrath of the craziest road rager I have ever seen. The freak kept screaming "I'M PREGNANT! I'M PREGNANT! YOU ALMOST KILLED ME! YOU ALMOST RAN ME OFF THE ROAD!" Key word: almost. Key point: It was an incident I had no idea I had taken part in. Key factoid: Her car was twice as big as mine. She could have run over my car a la Monster Truck Rally style.
Aside from the fact I was driving no more than 5 miles an hour when I supposedly nearly killed her and her unborn child, the woman was upset that I had cut her off in traffic to make the turn into the garage. This point was made with great gusto and enthusiasm as she went bat-shit crazy five inches from my face, stomping around in her designer outfit while waving her BMW keys around in a hysterical huff.
Now, if she had calmed down long enough to let me talk, I would have apologized. I honestly had no idea I had almost murdered her on purpose, not to mention the life growing in her womb. No such luck. Psycho killer couldn't stop screaming. Obviously her goal was to scare me and everyone around me...not necessarily to resolve the situation. I love getting verbally attacked by a mentally ill person right before a sonogram.
Back to the original point: She was pregnant, or as she so eloquently screeched, SHE WAS PREGNANT!!
My first and only reaction was surprising. So what?
So what that you're pregnant? Why should I give a shit? You're pregnant. Maybe three months so, because you're skinnier than I am. Good on you.
Well, SO AM I, you cow. But I don't go around freaking my shit out and stalking people in garages when I'm pregnant and hormonal. Get a fucking grip on your own crazy self.
By announcing to the entire garage that she was pregnant, was she really expecting me to fall to my knees in hysterical tears and beg her forgiveness? Was I supposed to cry out in shame, "I HAVE BROUGHT RUIN UPON MY FAMILY! I WILL NOW DRIVE SUPER CAREFUL AND NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE ON THE ROAD! BECAUSE ANYONE COULD BE PREGNANT! ANYONE IN A CAR!"
Ugh. The only thing I could say to her was an incredulous, "Wow. You're crayyyy-zy." The cashier taking my parking ticket looked utterly bored and annoyed. I actually felt worse for her than for Screechy.
Not to mention she looked about 50. It made me wonder, "Really? You're pregnant? YOU'RE pregnant?! Wowzers! Congrats! If you can do it, there's hope for everyone over 35!"
Alas, she did not want to celebrate the creation of life in her old geriatric uterus. She just wanted to go ape shit.
I'd just like to take this opportunity to say this one thing about being pregnant...I realize I am not special because I am carrying a life in my body right now. I realize that I don't deserve to have people treat me with kid gloves because I'm pregnant. I also know that I can't expect to never have a traffic near-miss because I'm with child.
Seriously, you crazy bitch, how the Hell is everyone on the road supposed to know you're pregnant? And how am I supposed to never ever make a mistake while driving because of the slim possibility that the person in the car I offend is knocked up? Get over yourself.
Maybe you should hang a CRAZY PREGNANT BITCH ON BOARD sign in your window. That would be almost as annoying as those yellow BABY ON BOARD signs that used to hang in the rear window of every yuppie Volvo in the 80's.
Are all BMW SUV drivers this fucked up? Or is it just me being my usual freak magnet self?
Either way, I feel sorry for her fetus...not to mention her husband. You look kind of stabby when you're mad. Yikes.
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