Adult vs. Toddler

Just to let the Internet world know, my baby will be one year old very soon.  ONE.  That's no longer negative one.  That's a whole year gone by in a flash like Wally West just ran around the Earth in seconds flat in his superhero costume.  Color me blown away.

Meanwhile, the baby, (as we like to still think of him,) is trying desperately to walk.  He will pretty much do anything to grab onto a surface and pull himself up into the walking position.  Then, he precariously balances with one hand, wobbling like a feather in air, for a good five seconds, until he lets go and inevitably falls on his butt in a WHOOMP.  It's as if he forgets he has yet to master the art of putting one step in front of the other and just GOES FOR IT, MAN.

Cut to me, mom, freaked out and in the fetal position in the corner of the floor.  This stuff is terrifying for me, considering this is my last baby.  He is preparing to leave babyhood behind for toddler life, and I am decidedly against this proposition.  As it stands right now, for the most part, I intensely fear and loathe toddler life.

The reason I fear and loathe it so is because I already have one.  He's currently residing in his crib because he decided that a toddler bed was way too much fun to sleep in.  Instead, he would feign sleep, then quietly slip out of his comfortable bed at some ungodly hour to silently creep over to me while I was dead asleep and put an unbelievably freezing cold tiny hand on my face while yelling, MOMMY!!  It's funny to recall it now, after being peeled off the ceiling.  After two weeks of that, we decided the crib would make a defeated return.  The toddler bed can wait...until he's voting age.

The toddler life has destroyed our sanity on many a day and night, but only intermittently and in between the most amazing of moments.  This kid is fast learning about life and all that is wonderful in it.  When taking him anywhere new or fabulous, he runs face first into the wind screaming, "WHEEEEE!!!"  It's truly a joy to behold.

However, there are those moments...those "face and full body on the pavement screaming in defiance" moments.  And they are a bear to deal with.  For instance, last night while getting over a decidedly nasty cold, he decided that he didn't like, oh, I don't know...being two.  He just started crying at an ear-splitting tone for every reason under the sun.  No pancakes for dinner?  SCREEEEE!!!  You CUT my burrito?!  WAAAILLL!!!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE PIE ON MY PLATE AT THIS VERY SECOND I WANT TO POKE MY FORK INTO IT!!!  AHHHHH!!!

And so on, and so on.  The battle rages on.  It's adult vs. toddler, and it's hardly a fair fight.