The Flu + Pink Eye + 8 Months Pregnant = ONE SEXY BEAST

The flu hit my house like a brick through a window.  There was no warning, no preventative medicine, no hope once it arrived.  My husband had it first, which I thought was a simple cold.  But suddenly, it morphed into a nasty, snot-filled, coughing, phlegm-coated hot mess.  I had coughing fits that required dozens upon dozens of pairs of underwear, due to the incontinence issue that has been plaguing me since my first born arrived.  I also sneezed quite frequently, which required a second dozen pairs of underwear.  Obviously, my hotness factor was out of control.

I was in the urgent care room with a doctor with the personality of a stale piece of bread.  He took a culture for strep, handed me a prescription for Robitussin with codine and shoved me out the door.  I immediately downed the cough syrup and felt the urge to hack up a lung crawl back into my throat.  That night I actually slept four hours straight.  A MIRACLE.

At three o'clock in the morning, I woke with a leaking face.  My eye was tearing up so badly it had actually gotten me out of a dead sleep.  Now at eight months, the only thing waking me up on a regular basis was the urge to pee or the baby practicing his Krav Maga on my internal organs.  A tearful eye?  This I had to check out.

I looked in the mirror, which I regretted immediately.  Puss, crust, watery tears...PINK EYE.  At this point, I looked to the heavens through a fuzzy eye and silently prayed for death.  Being sick for over a week, and now PINK EYE, quite possibly the most disgusting, least sexy of all the infections.

I was back in the urgent care room with the same stale piece of bread doctor.  He recognized me and pushed me out the door with another prescription with hardly a glance.  Not that I blame him...I was hideous.  If I were treating me, I would have looked away in disgust and poked me with a stick for good measure.

I went to work the next day and told my tale of woe to anyone who would listen, but there wasn't much sympathy to be had.  Nearly everyone and their families had suffered through the same flu and some were still trying to rid their house of it.  The pink eye just made them stay the Hell away.  The only solace I took was knowing there was no way this could get worse.

Then, a kid threw up on my shoes.